I have this real funny quirk about how I live my life.

I hold so many rules about how one should be behave. Rules for how one should should act and think. Rules for what one’s obligations are to oneself and those around them. And, internally speaking, I have very little tolerance for these rules being broken. The kicker, though? I only hold those rules against myself.

We all have norms and morals and beliefs. They’re just a part of society, and I’d say a part of the human condition, too. But, at least in the way that I perceive the world, a person’s rules and beliefs should be at least somewhat reflected by the actions and beliefs of the people they keep around them. That is, a person won’t keep people around that don’t share their norms/values/etc.

Myself, on the other hand, I’m painfully aware that I cannot impose my own rules onto others. Not in any truly enforceable manner, anyway. And that is a good thing, of course. But it then leaves me in this uncomfortable place where I have these rules for how anyone should act, and then I’m surrounded in a population that disagrees. I mean, for anyone, finding even one person that truly agrees 100% with you is an impossible task, but it weighs on me so heavily so feel so alone in having this rule set.

The part that I want to hit home, is that all these rules I hold, I can only hold myself to. Any attempt to ask others to even consider them goes against such rules. So, things that I would consider wrong, or bad, or in poor taste, for myself to do/feel/think, I simply excuse in those around me. And I excuse it because I know that they don’t know, or even care about, my rules or my values.

And there’s nothing I can do about it.